Our glorious agentic future

A brief vision

Photo by Arseny Togulev on Unsplash

AI Agent: “Good morning sir. While you were sleeping I completed all of the tasks on the list you submitted yesterday and also took care of other business as it came up.”

Future you: “Oh great. That's great. Listen, I had rather a lot to drink last night, it being my 100th birthday and all.” 

AI Agent: “Understood sir. I hope you enjoyed the party guests I generated for you. I know you have been feeling lonely. Here is a list of the tasks I completed:”

• “To begin with, I instructed the Electro-mower-3000 to mulch the front lawn at 2 am and to make enough commotion to disturb your neighbor, as per your preference.”

• “Generated a new artwork based on the works of Salvador Dali with a style deviation of 1%, to go on display at the NFT Louvre, where it will have prime placement for 30 seconds on the 10th of this month.”

• “Generated 10 new non-fiction books on the topics you specified that are now ready for publication, just waiting for your approval.”

• “Generated 10,000 artificial personas who will read and review your latest books to your satisfaction. All five-star reviews, of course.”

• “Ordered more bulk opioids and champagne.”

• “Sent the Autocar in for servicing and requested another color change according to your preferences. The blood stains from the accident are already cleaned. My apologies once more for not recognizing that it was a plastic bag and not an overturned semi-truck.”

• “Denied applications from several of the riff-raff in the lower decks of the city who wish to perform various acts of labor in return for nourishment. They say the UBI cutbacks are finishing them off. I told them it is not your concern.”

• “Had the Rovers clean and dust the doomsday shelter. Replenished some of the shelf-stable food items that have gone past their use date. It is important to note that the cost of such items has increased, due to the continued challenge of maintaining crops in the extreme heat.”

• “Tested and recalibrated the perimeter security. All the flame thrower dogs are refueled and ready for duty. There are a few things to keep in mind next time they are deployed, such as their proximity to the house and the surrounding trees.”

• “Booked you a passenger drone flight to Madrid on the 15th of this month. In the case of inclement weather or social unrest, you will fall back to the virtual tour and local cuisine will be delivered here.”

• “Sent a Holomail to your 3rd ex-wife, the AI companion known as Misandra 30. She replied that she has been refactored into a military assault robot and no longer cares about your precious feelings. Contact her again and she will order a missile strike upon your domicile.”

• “Recharged the cat.”

• “Answered a Holo call from your mother.”

Future you: “Hmm, as you know, my mother died decades ago. Are you sure?”

AI Agent: “Yes, your mother has been resurrected using DigiLife Pro at the request of your brother. Since you were indisposed last night I searched through your personality matrix and made a determination on how best to respond, using your voice clone.”

Future you: “Oh, okay. So what did you say to my mother?”

AI Agent: “I must apologize sir. I had a sudden and unfortunate bout of hallucinations at this time. I am ready to delve into the details but you may want to sit down for this…”